I wanted to edge closer...

... But too close to the fire, and I'd burn myself.

I saw a fire tonight and I wanted to edge closer. I was denied the meek pleasure. I feel sad. I wanted it.
To lift me up, stretch me, all until my bones cracked and released.

Lethargy has tied me down to something cold. I try to break free, but it takes a lot of effort. The month of February bought with itself, a chillness as cold as a slab of ice against ones palm. Cold, but numbing, so you don't really feel any pain.

Things happened. And they didn't happen out of the blue. I was very much prepared. I knew what ifs, understood the why's, and was prepared. It was easy; going through them.

I had reached a point though, where I couldn't really understand the reasons of what was around me. I question things. And this month, I've questioned things back to back. It was very tiring. I had questions that had no easy answers.

So a few hours back, when I saw the Holika away from a mile, I wished to edge closer to it. I needed the fire. It burned a beautiful bright.

I would've liked to feel the warmness spread across me, all throughout my body.
Till my muscles squeezed up, eyes watered; cleansed. Till the heat would make a sprint, on over my skin, and my skin, with goosebumps then, submitting in pure ecstasy.

I needed it.

I wrote the above as I was dragged away from the fire. Dragged by my own weariness. My weakness. I was ill, well. Had to visit the doctor.

I crossed my fingers as I left the place, hoping for the fire to remain alive until I returned. Thankfully, it did. And I could witness it as it burnt off into gold, black, its charred self.

I've been wanting to do so many things, but I'm failing when it comes to prioritizing. There's something very important missing from the picture. Is it that I seek a voice that would enjoy hearing me out? I need a push. I look into the mirror. And that woman's all that I need.

Hear me out? She's listening.
Just gotta lift myself up.

I heaved a heavy sigh as I left the fire. It was dying, but I felt strong again.
Such little things. They do matter a lot.