A better person.

I have never really blamed people around me much in my life, but in the recent months, I have. I could easily find negatives in someones behavior, and the positives were difficult to find. I think I had lost myself somewhere, when I started believing that.

I've been an anti social bee since a couple of months, ever since my birthday, I suppose, when almost no one showed up. But it was all in my head. I pushed important people away on my birthday itself, I shouldn't blame anyone for anything. Things were worse after my dog died, I had started blaming everyone close to me, and soon, myself. Quite depressing if this goes on for months.

Half the year is over, and I've finally started meeting up with my close friends, in a balanced manner, not wanting to run away. I've realized how they've been there for me, how I've been there for them, how people do go out of they way to help the ones they care about, and I see this in love, family, friends, everywhere.

I had cocooned myself up in layers of doubts and depression, but now, the shell is slowly peeling off. It is not because of those who are helping me, but because of me, who's finally agreeing to accept help.

If you really listen closely, to what others have to say, you'd realize that there's just more to learn from everything. There are so many perspectives to everything! It's quite beautiful.

I've remembered a few things that I had almost forgotten about. The fact that me, as a person, was always emphathetic, and never judgmental. Empathy is difficult, but I need to hold onto it as a gift, no matter how hard it gets. It's difficult when you're brushed up with so many emotions of others, when you absorb it all in, to understand them better, but I think I can do a better job by meditating and trying to remain unattached.

You know, how people say that we're the best when we are kids, and adulthood spoils us up, and we waste our lives away only to realize our mistakes when we are old? I don't want to go through that path. I'd like to always remember the fact that our life is a gift, and there's just so much more to discover!

I know of many adults who think they know the world. But no one does. Not me as a kid. Not as an adult. Not when I'm old. There's just so much to learn. I'm never forcing my views on anyone. Certain realizations have dawned upon me, and I've finally understood myself better, and I do believe that's the first step to understanding the world.

I've been told that I'm too confused to do me any good. But I know, that I do too, have things I'm confident about. If I need to be confident as an adult, I'll be confident in my belief that no one knows everything (all hail Socrates). That learning is the much needed curve, in life. I'll be confident enough to know, that good and bad, both do exist, it's about time, perspectives, a million life stories that go behind what makes a person; and all of this, is no small thing.

In a chaotic mess, we each pull others down, or push them forward, unbalanced; this happens, and I guess, it is needed for change. Let's not forget who we are, let's not stop dreaming, the best, the better, is always, yet to come, and I believe it now, because I think I am a better person than I was yesterday.

The biggest lie ever.

This thought occurred to me recently. A simple thought. Not sure what inspired me to think in this direction.

Perhaps it was a series of unfortunate events.

People don't trust people. Not always. Most of us would like to believe that we are on our own in this big dark world. But that's far from the truth. Or at least, I hope everyone start's to believe that.

I believe everyone's like a deep well of thoughtfulness, brimming with love to give, memories to share. It's a beautiful world, and everyone's just so very insecure about who accepts them the way they are.

It's so very easy to judge sometimes, isn't it? One should try not to make quick judgements about someone's personality and create a deep rooted opinion, before even speaking to them. And one shouldn't judge them once they've opened up either. Try and understand, always.

The biggest lie ever, is one that we would love to believe. Because we see it happening around us. All the time. We doubt ourselves, look up to the only people we believe are probably correct about such things. Our parents, or someone close. Chances are, that they'll tell us this, this statement, that we take too seriously.

It's, "Don't trust anybody. You're on your own."

This is wrong. Trusting is a very important factor for growth. A leap of faith, knowing your friends would be there to catch you. The larger the group with understanding people, the better. Two is better than one. Four, even more.

It's true that someone might be untrustworthy, especially given the fact that lying is probably their favourite hobby. But what if we just try and understand? Perhaps the person wants to be accepted. Life must be difficult for them, oh yes.

There are different kinds of people. In all possible shapes, sizes, colour, emotions, personality, everything, everywhere, wherever. Sometimes, they are extremely raw, the kind I like. They're fresh, new, vulnerable, fearless of baring their emotions, and most of all, quite intelligent. Sometimes, they're completely opposite. They tend to lack sheer creativity. They get repetitive, tired, probably happy in their innocence. But all in all, we're humans, the very same. Homo-sapiens that walk this planet in search of answers and whatever that is the ultimate.

It's easy getting hurt if we trust the wrong people, and at that point of time, we must remain vary of the truth. Be objective. Stop at our steps and retreat. But what if it's the right person? You could grow with this person, into something you'd probably never dream of being able to do all alone. More the number of people who trust another, more the chances that we'd end up trusting someone trustworthy.

We aren't on our own. We travel alone. That's all. But befriending strangers for a couple of minutes, finding a companion that would last you a couple of weeks into the journey, or perhaps your lifetime, it's all part of the long road.

Of one thing, I guess I'm sorta/kinda sure.

Life goes on, forever. Of course, most probably until you die.

But it basically goes on for a long time. You may think it's over, but no; Your story never starts. Never ends. It always is. What's true is the fact that you're alive.

You are able to think, choose. We are lucky to be born in an age where there isn't much to be afraid of, to fear. You are free. Free to use your speech. Free to make choices, judgements. But for many people, the freedom is only almost. The only one thing that would, and is ever stopping you, is you. You create the barriers in your own mind.

From whatever had or has happened to you.

Or from whatever you fear.

It's all a false facade.

Imperfections. Lies. Fake. False. Deceit. 

All, are but the reality, the truth. They exist. And you have the choice, and intuition to know what is right, and wrong. You always do, or have to means to find out the truth. 

If you have wings, and the wings are trapped, don't cut it in pieces, hoping to see tiny bits of your wings fly a little mile on their own.
Fight for freedom that will so easily be yours if you desire. Dream, and the wings will know how to break free.

It's all about how ready you are to reach out, how far you can go, how hard you can try to test your limits.



(Fuck. I preach a lot to do me any good.)

Your identity.

This post is based on what your identity is, and not on what, or who you are. There's a difference between the two. Having said that, let's begin.

Everyone wants to be accepted. Some try fitting in, whereas some change their surroundings, or even people, to suit their own preferential environment. I simply detest the people belonging to the latter group. Why change others if you're too thick to adjust yourself? Isn't it good manners to change yourself to suit the needs of others? An unsaid goodwill? 

We see a popular social pattern here. A pattern, most of us are familiar with as it can be observed during many circumstances. The bad, the one's with attitude, prevail. While the one's who try to keep other's happy, or simply hide, do not. 

So is it good? To have the air of an attitude around you? Or is it better to be helpful, and still be the saint?

I recently started off with my under grad college. New place, new people, new surroundings, pulled out of my shell, embarking on a new journey all together. I've seen people try to fit in. Some are good at molding others too. Perhaps the 'I don't give a damn attitude' works. To make a difference, to have an identity, you need to differ. If you don't, you're just another person, like a sheep, allowing the herd to guide you.

Mind you. I'm not trying to say that being the sheep is bad. You always have a choice. And no choice is wrong. Nothing is. But in this post, I'm purely going to try and figure out how one can make a difference. Cuz, admit it. Most of us want to.

One can differ only when he or she is confident enough to say no. Or if he or she perhaps has an opinion about everything. There will be a few people, who would prefer to keep quiet, already afraid of how others might judge them. But trust me, when you silently help others, while not trying to figure out your own self, you're helping them, but not yourself.

Don't beg to differ. But stick to your own morals and values. Speak about them. Don't be highly opinionated, but for building your own identity, which you rightly should, step up. Confidence is secondary. You need belief. That's the first step. Believe in yourself, and  confidence will follow. Shortly after, your own unique identity will reveal itself, which would have been built up slowly, with every word you speak, or every gesture you make.

Identities may change from place to place, depending on how you tackle situations in different places. The identity on a social networking profile, for example, could easily be different from the one you actually have with most of your closest friends. 

People identify you in their own ways. So even if say, you're in a group of 20 colleagues, there will be 20 unique identities of you. If you differ though, make a difference, stay, as I said, opinionated, these identities will merge up to form a better picture of what you are personally.

Your identity could be a positive, or a negative one. Negative identities are stronger, and the people who have it, might always have an extra edge. But it's a wrong way. A short cut. And short cut's never work. Be positive, hard working, and in a long run, it shall be beneficial. It's a stable way of thinking too.

What you truly are, is always going to be different than what you think you are. What you show though, can easily be changed. So even if you are being yourself, try and put forth your views a little creatively. How other's see you as cannot be changed much unless you are really good at tackling people and their psyche. All in all, nothing except the real you is true. And no one can ever describe that real you perfectly.

Until then, do try and make a difference. Even if it is in a small way, do try and have a positive identity. There's no fun in being the sheep. (Not that I'd hate you for being one! But it's simply not any fun.) 

Ciao! Fellow travelers!  

The single girl child... On marriages.

Before I begin, I'd like to point out, that the following post is strictly constricted to the old fashioned, rural based thinking. It might not exist in most households with modern thinking, but in a few houses, including mine (and also the house, that is my brain), such thoughts do float around.

I was born in a family of high values. Where a belief, that the gender of a child born, wouldn't affect her future - stood firm. Where she, unlike a few unfortunate women in our society, wouldn't be deprived of anything. A place where she would be surrounded by views that are far from being sexist. At least, that's what I thought.

I am a single girl child. My parents love me, I'm aware. I was never pampered though, my parents have made sure to teach me the best of manners a girl could learn. They've taught me virtues, that are usually taught only to the men of the family. I was happy. I was a girl, yet, strong enough to take the decisions of my family, like a man. An independent, bold, yet sensitive woman - that's what my parents desired me to be. But no, they never forced their desires upon me. They've given me complete freedom. The freedom to lie, cheat, be happy, make mistakes, learn, everything. All this, made my life perfect. I never misused this freedom that they gave me. I tried my best to be on my heels, do the best I can do, in whatever situation I was in, as long as it was something that I believed in. They always guided me, warned me, yet supported me, all along. This is how my life was perfect. By giving me everything, my parents, gave me, a life. A perfect life. No, I was never treated like a princess. But that is exactly what has made me. Understanding, open minded. I've grown to thank my parents, for whatever they have done for me. I am lucky, I often thought. Like I said before, I was happy.

It is only recently that a more mature thought has crossed my mind. Perhaps you do grow up with time. That's what our parents tell us, don't they? I never doubted them. But it's true. The process of learning, growing, is actually distinguishable. You will easily realize when you've grown up. Growing up is always painful.

Being a single girl child, doesn't give me the opportunity to continue my family's legacy. The feminists would revolt at such a thought. But it's true. My parents do not complain, and its a problem, purely created by me. I asked my dad a few days ago, if he ever wished to have a male child. The answer was expected - it didn't matter. It probably doesn't matter to them the way it matters to me. After I marry someone, my father shall be a grand dad, probably, someday. But his grand kid will not have his name. He shall have my husband's surname. The hubby's legacy. Immature thinking? Probably. If you aren't a girl child, that is. But for the other single girl child's, they'll understand what I'm trying to say. 

The problem is not too difficult to counter though. Like what my parents have taught me, I do believe that there is a solution to every problem. Just like this one. How about this  - I marry a guy, have about 2 kids, divorce him? So that I can give my children my own surname? The one that is a part of my bloodline? Or should I probably marry someone with the same surname as mine, a distant cousin of mine, perhaps. Or I could marry someone, who is at par with my parents thoughts. The modern thinking. Where the man is strong enough to allow our first child to carry my birth surname. 

So immature, this talk. But it does matter.

I do not find the institution of marriage stupid. On the contrary, it brings stability to the human kind. Adjusting, compromising, they are the ways of civilisation, something which we ourselves have evolved to get accustomed to. But the fact that men feel that they need to be the bread earner of the family, and never the woman, is absolutely hilarious. Even when women earn, it is better for them, to earn less than their own spouses. It's very rare to find a man who is not moved my outwardly or materialistic capabilities. But man has always been the stronger one. I myself will not argue upon this fact. It's just one of those things in nature that is unfortunate. But perhaps, it is needed, to maintain order. 

TIME FOR SOME STEREOTYPE BUSTING! 
Women won't mind to lower their heads before the men. But we need our own respect. Being at home, looking after the children, is not a life we would wish for in an ideal world. In an ideal world, along with looking after the household, we women would love to embrace the adventure that this world has to offer. Being at home, earning less than you, is not an easy thing. It is unfortunate how some men think that women are rubbish, for they have no say in the talks of matters regarding the world. That they can't work, that they aren't the superior kind. (Of course not all men are like this, and to those men, we women would like to extend some love.) But it takes a lot to sit back, and pretend that you are not all that you could be. To sacrifice your dreams. To be a woman, is not easy, contrary to what most men think.

My father has spent days, nights, speaking about the story of our family. The bed time stories always enthralled me. Of how our life was, back in the old days, in the beautiful state of Himachal Pradesh. The villages, the palaces, the beautiful gardens, the kites, the princes, the princesses, the gold shoe's, the banquets… I wish to speak of these with my child. (Pardon the over - I want a child - syndrome. This is temporary. Probably. I'm rather thinking of adoption. Any who. Adopted or not, a child is a child. Gosh. When did I become so… Motherly?)

Back to what I was saying. It's unfortunate women are treated this way. I never realized anything strange about female foeticide , I never could understand why one's own mother, would agree to kill the child she held. Ruthless. But now I do. And the reason, even though, full of ego, pride, and completely old fashioned, is a true one. People might hide it, but it does reside in their minds. For a few, they have thought of it, a countless amount of times, for the others, the idea is still trapped deep within their brain, waiting to be hatched. But trust me, it exists. Way's to continue your legacy.

All in the name of evolution. The basic fundamental need, and the way of nature. (I'll elaborate, in perhaps, another post.)

If I had been a guy, I would have certainly held much more freedom. My life would have been different, in terms of all the daring acts that I've always wanted to do. Its true, I've attempted a few, but such things are never encouraged by my relatives. A girl doesn't drive a bike! She should atleast  know how to cook! The basic need, and the sentence, every lady is made to listen to, at least once in her lifetime. But there is so much more then just cooking!

Am I proud to be a girl? Heck yes. Is it okay to be a single girl child? Of course!!

But all in all, a girls life isn't that easy. It's not easy for a single girl child at all.

AND after this AMAZINGLY confusing rant, I'd just like to make one thing clear. I in no way, have any complain with anything that ever was, or that will ever be. Amen.

Until next time!!