The space tube.

You enter the space tube, with nothing but your body that’s carrying a type machine. The space tube is white, wide, spacious, filled with other humanoid creatures. These other creatures, are all occupying random spaces, holding some artefacts, surrounded by a few as well. They may or may not use these artefacts. There are copious amounts of books all over this space tube. They are all systematically numbered, organised, on the bases of their names, the authors, the themes. Each and every humanoid here, is a pilot of this space tube. How far can this space tube go?

If you think about the surrounding noise, there’s none - only minor shuffling of books and feet rattling against the chairs or table legs. A few creatures seem to be wearing ear pods that probably help transport them to places beyond the scope of this space tube. Do these places remind them of the places they come from? Or does it ignite a hope in them, a confidence, to take them to where they much rather be?

The space tube is temperature controlled. The white lights on the ceiling ensure that work doesn’t stop. The humanoids here mostly resort to mental exercise, this is no space for the physical, unless one is working over reading or writing over that field of the human sciences.

A humanoid creature sitting right next to me wonders what I am writing about. I type away on my type machine. This is not what I came here for - I came for some reading, but this is what I am doing now nevertheless.

The challenge for me today, is to concentrate on the now. The past, I cannot change, the future, is yet to come. The now is all that I have, and all that I can control. I should control my now, my destiny is in my hands, quite literally. I will now proceed to my reading. My type machine has diverse functions and it can also help me in that purpose.

Silo.

Hello.

I guess, when you really want something, and when you literally give yourself up to the cause, there’s a huge scope of learning that opens up automatically, and you do eventually, move towards that which you expected.

It’s been a very long time since I jotted down something on this blog. Oh my, let me begin by saying, that I have absolutely missed writing on a keyboard. There is so much peace in writing down things in journals, but oh, the joy of slamming down fingers on a keyboard that makes the click click tik tak noise as I write away!

I’d still like to embrace the random, though, as I am growing up, I feel this hidden need to start, what people call, ‘specializing.’ A good friend gave me an advice once – “Do whatever it is that you like, eventually, you’ll really start understanding and start to automatically move towards things that truly call out to you.” Great advice. In fact, another fellow professional once mentioned, “Just, throw stones everywhere.” – And I’d like to add to that statement – “And see which ripple gives you the most peace!” My college professor stated, that “Seek anything that gives you a rush, or increases your pulse rate.”

Unfortunately, or fortunately, there is a certain knowledge gap that I aim to fill in before I can spot what it is that I absolutely would love to specialize in. The road towards it isn’t one that is already built. I have a stone and chisel in my own hands, and I am trying to squint towards the horizon, towards the top of mountains, as well as the depths of the oceans, before carving my own way through it. I say through and not towards it because the road could change at every possible moment and I’d like to keep myself open to that possibility too.

The problem that I have personally faced – is that of existentialism. I see the world as it is, in broad day light, or in absolute darkness. There is no denying that the human race confuses itself with the rat race, that there is always an underlying process of automation in the mechanics of the world, in all possible domains. Be it education, or industrialization, or the gradual growth in a country’s infrastructure.

A friend of mine is currently reading a book called, Ikigai. The book begins by a Japanese proverb that says: “Only an active life will make you want to live a 100 years.” The book also talks about how technology is actually, responsible in adding more time to one’s life. Man is generally, quite a lazy creature. I’d say, everything in the world is actually quite lazy. If that is in response to a need of attaining equilibrium, I wouldn’t know; one cannot deny the ever constant ebb and flow of chaos and order in the world. Is it all in process of attaining immortality? I’m sure our race is collectively building towards a highly connected space across this planet, just like a human brain would strengthen its connections across its neurons with time. All, for automation. All, for equilibrium. All, for immortality. The concept of the ouroboros comes into my mind... 

If anyone is reading this right now, and feels that they have an opinion regarding the above, please feel free to let me know, in the comments, or personally. I would love to have more discussions over the same. I am REALLY open to learning about anything that gives me direction at this point…

Till then, I guess, I’ve to start working over the SMART goals thing in order to give my random goals some finite shape… And yes, I have to certainly learn to prioritize as well as manage my time well.

I think this blog is dying (Dead?)

Hello, S. What's up?

Damn.

Wrote just a single post this year till now? What a shame.

What are your plans to rectify this error?

I'm figuring things out. It's taking time.

What are you trying to figure out?

Dreams. Plans. And my behavior when I'm put in the unknown.

Are you doing something about your, "Dreams, plans, and you're behavior when you're put in the unknown?"

Yes. Them three. In the opposite order.

Well. 

Good luck.

The past few days.

The past few days have been such an exhilarating experience. It's funny how one can find adventure in places they'd least expect it. 

I sought for adventure in the wrong places. Literally. I thought I'd travel to a new place to experience new things, the new city, its roads, its culture, food. But adventure was never about just the superficial. It's always the emotional aspect that matters more. And I had almost forgotten about that. While I certainly have traveled to another place, I've found most of this, so called adventure, not in the new environment, but with people. New, as well as old! 

I've grown so much in this past year, in a direction I did not expect. But I look at myself now and feel that I've done a good enough job with the issues that were thrown at me. The present Sugandha, appreciates the older one, for doing whatever it is that she did, or didn't do. 

In a span of mere 6 months, I've experienced way too many new things. I feel extremely grateful for it all. Prior to this, all of it seemed possible in books, fairy tales, fiction, crime, drama, thriller, what have you. But now, it's all real. It's happening. And it's all bloody fascinating. 

I've met many new people, made innumerable friends, and I even found many who've left a life lasting impression on me. I could find people who share my love for science, food, philosophy, psychology, life itself, with ease, and I'm grateful for that as well. I just feel blessed at the moment. 

This adventure, that I talk of? I guess it's all related to growing up, or experiencing new people in this new phase, where the people around me are growing up themselves. 

Like I said, new, and old. It's all so lovely.

Oh hi there, 2016!

Hello, new year!

Here I am, in this circus, still jumbling goals, trying to keep my life balanced, as the blog secretly creeps up to it's second leap year. It's been almost 4 years since I began jotting, uh, I mean, rambling on this blog, and it has certainly been a great journey.

Some days, I decide to go back to the past, read my old blog posts, so that I can indulge in the guilty pleasures of reminiscing. On other days, I manage to click on the post button, and ramble a bit more, setting my imagination free. This blog has almost been like an online diary for me, except for the fact that I haven't been brave enough to involve myself more, with sharing my personal stories.

Despite having a plethora of ideas to type down blog posts on, I've been lazy. If I'm not too harsh on myself, I can say that it's purely because of the final year college pressure. No. The fourth year of an engineering college is not difficult when it comes to academics, in fact, I've totally managed to perform better than my initial years as a college student. It's the other dreaded thing; The one that deals with me growing up and taking care of my responsibilities.

I, as a person, write because it helps me analyse myself better.
I have my personal diaries, filled with a lot of to do lists, and goals, but I feel my blog severely lacks those things that I feel I'm all about. Given. I'd write a poetry or two, in the rush of momentary inspiration. Given that I allow myself to type away whatever I feel about a current situation. I've hardly written anything about what I truly like. With that, I mean, my tangible hobbies, passions, and dreams. Metaphors have bought this blog far, and the occasional heartfelt poem will still carve its way through. but, I have decided, that this year, I shall talk more about what exactly it is, that I've been up to. I do like writing crisp and short articles on certain topics. I might write on a few that I believe might help others too. They will all be closely related to the whats, wheres, and whys, of my favorite things. Animals, music, computers, people, it can be anything.

Something brilliant that happened to me last year, was how clicking random links online, led to me discovering the amazing platform of IndiBlogger. It's a place were countless bloggers, from all over the world, India, especially, come together, in order to share their own blogs, thoughts, and ideas, with each other. If you're reading this, and would like to know more about how IB can change your journey of blogging, do post a comment below! I've made a few friends already, both offline, and online, all thanks to IB. I was never too vocal about my blog, before IndiBlogger, but now, I am nothing short of proud, that I was able to hold on to this tiny little blog that I created back in 2012.

Something that's totally going to give me an initial push to writing more posts and discovering myself online, is IB's new challenge, the IndiMarathon. Tata Motors has given the IB bloggers a wonderful opportunity, to blog about anything under the sun, equivalent to an online marathon. Starting from today, till mid February, I shall be posting a few articles, in correspondence to this interesting challenge. I'm quite excited to write more about certain things that I absolutely love! *Casually mumbles the lines of the song, "My favorite things!"*

Change is constant. Change is beautiful. With the advent of this new year, I hope to bring in all that I've learned, in newer ways, online. I believe if I involve myself more, online, in ways that are more communicative in nature, I will be able to give more to the community, and also learn more about so many things! I'm such a slow poke, I should've done this long back. Better late than never!

~

This blog post is inspired by the blogging marathon hosted on IndiBlogger for the launch of the #Fantastico Zica from Tata Motors. You can apply for a test drive of the hatchback Zica today.

A better person.

I have never really blamed people around me much in my life, but in the recent months, I have. I could easily find negatives in someones behavior, and the positives were difficult to find. I think I had lost myself somewhere, when I started believing that.

I've been an anti social bee since a couple of months, ever since my birthday, I suppose, when almost no one showed up. But it was all in my head. I pushed important people away on my birthday itself, I shouldn't blame anyone for anything. Things were worse after my dog died, I had started blaming everyone close to me, and soon, myself. Quite depressing if this goes on for months.

Half the year is over, and I've finally started meeting up with my close friends, in a balanced manner, not wanting to run away. I've realized how they've been there for me, how I've been there for them, how people do go out of they way to help the ones they care about, and I see this in love, family, friends, everywhere.

I had cocooned myself up in layers of doubts and depression, but now, the shell is slowly peeling off. It is not because of those who are helping me, but because of me, who's finally agreeing to accept help.

If you really listen closely, to what others have to say, you'd realize that there's just more to learn from everything. There are so many perspectives to everything! It's quite beautiful.

I've remembered a few things that I had almost forgotten about. The fact that me, as a person, was always emphathetic, and never judgmental. Empathy is difficult, but I need to hold onto it as a gift, no matter how hard it gets. It's difficult when you're brushed up with so many emotions of others, when you absorb it all in, to understand them better, but I think I can do a better job by meditating and trying to remain unattached.

You know, how people say that we're the best when we are kids, and adulthood spoils us up, and we waste our lives away only to realize our mistakes when we are old? I don't want to go through that path. I'd like to always remember the fact that our life is a gift, and there's just so much more to discover!

I know of many adults who think they know the world. But no one does. Not me as a kid. Not as an adult. Not when I'm old. There's just so much to learn. I'm never forcing my views on anyone. Certain realizations have dawned upon me, and I've finally understood myself better, and I do believe that's the first step to understanding the world.

I've been told that I'm too confused to do me any good. But I know, that I do too, have things I'm confident about. If I need to be confident as an adult, I'll be confident in my belief that no one knows everything (all hail Socrates). That learning is the much needed curve, in life. I'll be confident enough to know, that good and bad, both do exist, it's about time, perspectives, a million life stories that go behind what makes a person; and all of this, is no small thing.

In a chaotic mess, we each pull others down, or push them forward, unbalanced; this happens, and I guess, it is needed for change. Let's not forget who we are, let's not stop dreaming, the best, the better, is always, yet to come, and I believe it now, because I think I am a better person than I was yesterday.

Something way too powerful at work here.

So, all my life, I’ve had these tiny theories of mine that I’ve developed. Theories that try too hard to make sense of basic questions that begins with what, how, why, etc. I guess everyone has a few of them, questions and theories we abide by.
And it’s all natural for us to grow onto them, and also, allowing those theories to grow up as well, like a tree, free to move up towards the light, or far beneath the soil, in all possible directions, twirling, unrolling, realising.

The point is, I really feel tired of this, these days. Tired of developing theories. Sometimes, I have a feeling, that there’s just something much more powerful at work here. That despite me formulating my stupid theories, this powerful work, that goes about unseen, works its own charm, revealing a world that’s perfectly balanced, but also, incredibly dark and beautiful.

What’s the point of trying to understand something that I’m much too small to comprehend?
Things keep getting weirder by the second. I might be losing onto my childlike innocence, but I’d struggle to be the kid that I am, deep inside, inquisitive, and curious. Growing up, things seem much more complicated now. And they are just getting more and more complicated. 

I wonder if I should try to make sense of all of this, or just simply, let go, and enjoy everything that ever is. It’s really beautiful. All of this.

Biblical - Biffy Clyro
Skylight - Biffy Clyro
Stars And Shites - Biffy Clyro
Many Off Horror - Biffy Clyro
No I’m Not Down - Biffy Clyro

Abstract plans.

I really don't know why I'm not wanting to have a fixed story anymore. Thing's are getting all abstract around me. And I don't mind it. Maybe I'm already looking forward to the December holidays. The fact that I'm writing again though, it's reaffirming. So what if it's not in a hand held journal.

There are many things to say, sing, listen to, to try and understand, to be happy about, to be thankful about, to be stressed about, to be worried about, to not be worried about, there's just too much to exist. So letting it all just be seems like an easy option. I wonder if this easy way out is the right thing to do though. What if I, just push myself slightly? Forward to the things that I could do or achieve, or think that might work? Little concepts that keep popping up in my mind. Maybe I'd be able to help others with it all? And idea is good, an idea could be great, but it's of absolutely no use if it is born, and it dies, having accomplished absolutely nothing. Ideas do take work.

Perhaps that's why I wait for December. Because I'd be able to make things again. Build things again. Including myself! Oh. Just realised that the last December had been pretty sweet as well. Quite a turning point in my life. And it did take a certain amount of handwork, and a lot of brainstorming. I like the way I talk logically sometimes. It almost frightens me. Engineering ain't too bad. Fuck the ones who're trying to scare you away. Engineering is a need.

There's a picture in my head. I want the best for it, and I shall work to make it happen. Sometimes, all you have to do, is just, give yourself a push, and hope for the best. You're good enough. Chances are that you'll be rewarded with something you were expecting, but maybe, something better as well. I can hope for myself, at least.

Tests torment me. Exams are condescending. But I'll have to work hard. And around these days of trouble, there would be happy days. Days I look forward to. And come December, I'll be free to rethink over my wishes and dreams. Like how a little part of me would still want to excel at playing the guitar. Just a little bit please. Or how I'd like to play the drums. Or how I'd love to begin swimming again. Comic con's almost here too.

More movies. TV shows. Gigs.
And countless opportunities to just, escape.


Hey You - Pink Floyd
Is There Anybody Out There - Pink Floyd
Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd
Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin 

Wasting My Young Years.

Writing has always been a passion.
I lack the good words, the big words.
I am what I write. Simple words, not too hard to comprehend.
I love life. And I love how perfectly imperfect things are.
Does it make me weak? I wonder. For finding all the broken pieces just, perfect. Just the way they are.
I think we're all like this.

I really enjoying crying. I think, there's something extremely beautiful when one allows the tears to just, run free, with no barriers. I'm very optimistic, don't get me wrong. Pessimism is not my thing. But being sad, that makes me happy sometimes. Makes me appreciate life more. I can never truly be sad. I guess, life's too beautiful to be wasted with regrets.

Wish I could sing on highest peak of the world. I think I can do that. I'd like that.
Wish I could build my own mini rocket and fly up in space. Then attempt a free fall up against gravity.
Wish I could start from the scratch.
Wish life would start from the scratch so that I'd treat it differently.
Wish I could stitch all that was torn. And repair.
Wish I could be a little bit stronger for others. Empathy is useless.

But why would I care? I'm in love with imperfection, I suppose.


Secret - Maroon 5.
Hey Now - London Grammar.
Wasting My Young Years - London Grammar.

We could be heroes, just for one day.

And that day would be enough!

Warning: This post is not going to make much sense.

So. If you're reading this, which I doubt, because no one probably reads this shit up, well, but except you, since you ARE reading this, you better stop reading this, because it's not going to make much sense.

Scream!

A little lemon fell of the kitchen counter onto the ground, rolling, before softly stopping near my dogs paw. 

LO!

And behold. Lets just follow this never ending river. She isn't crazy. I like watching a piece of chocolate melt. It gets tastier by the second. Come on Eileen!

Fellows and Romans and people of good folklore, tell me a secret, won't you?

Apple pies must be delicious. Would you like one? "And let there be light," God said. Psalm 12:34, whatever *insert name* Repeat after me: "Shall not ever grieve over the lost puppy".

My diary is far away, this shit've would gone there, I believe. Typing is fun though.

STOP.

Breath.

And this idiot of a person just had to dive into the well of empty traffic and electricity bills.

Cows are to be disliked for the go MOOO which is mostly irritating. Don't even try to be nice. Hypocrites. 

*****

A little while later

*****

NOPE

 Still 

a     twat. Hypocrisy!

Not really insane but on cloud nine. Let's take a moment and be glad that we are smart enough to comprehend what goes around in this town. You just lied. "I didn't, I kept quiet."

"That's gonna cost ya, sweety."

"If you think I'm being stupid, well I'm still me", cried the little red riding hood before turning into a wolf and eating up her own grandma. Yeah, things are getting stranger by the second.

Give yourself a break, mate! You sure do need one. Lollipops were always bad for your teeth.

My tongue is in love with my left elbow. Such a sad love story. Commas will guide you home.

There was once a crooked man, with a crooked little organ, in a crooked little video, and he was soon forgotten. 

Man, I wish she was a cat. But I would never do such a thing to her, she's such a great girl. I think she must really like me, hens would love laying easter eggs. I'm such a weird potato. 

A little ash, smokey, and a minty taste later, she allowed herself to cough. Well shit. Where's that lighter? A pastry would've helped but the owl was hooting too loudly. Was he looking for his mate? Poor sod.

Bubble baths were sad, because people didn't respect him anymore. "That's the way the market works", shrugs bubble bath, "It's always what they really want. Priorities."

I'll be damned if you figured me out. Don't bother. I'm just like you. I can see you. Just as you see me. A layer, within a layer, within another one, that's the one on the top. We're the same. Still reading?

Well, great. Thanks.


Heroes - David Bowie.

Wasting away in Outer Space.

The last 15 hours have been extremely trippy. I’ve felt different. 

Without the usage of any sort of substance! Heh.

Imagine.

 Glowing neon colours dripping down on a blank,  black  surface.

A quiet child ,wearing fancy clothes, staring off into the horizon, somewhere in his mind, knowing what life is all about. 

A random     pink   ☁     cloud, moving across the  pale blue skies  all alone, but happy.

The first bite into a fluffy white marshmallow.

Real comfy mommy hugs.

A light  golden  leaf afloat upon the free autumn winds. 

A room lined with rubik's cubes across its walls, that change their orientations on their own. 

 Fairy lights all wound up around your favourite stack of books.

And a huge  magnetised bed  rotating above the ground, in a  magnetised room , in a slow controlled motion.

I’ve felt lucky, and was so too. Even though I didn’t care. I just was, yo. 

And as I retrospect, my mind is forced to be bewildered at all that has happened. Even though, it was all so, normal. And quiet. 

I’ve been glued to this couch all day long. Sleeping. Counting seconds as I edge closer to the end of the summer vacations. 

… Which happen after a month and a half.

I’m wasting away. And planning, at the same time. Planning for the next few days. And still. Dreaming, imagining. Not really being at the moment, but enjoying it. 

I’ve set my imagination on a crazy spree. Where it is free to make anything a reality. And the thoughts, melt into my head, and away from it, with such ease and eerie beauty, that I can’t help but think, that I’ve unlocked myself into a new realm of, mega trippy-ness. 

If these were the 80’s, I’d surely be living like a hippy. A techno, colourful one, at that.

And all of these thoughts would’ve been trapped in a corner in my head unless I’d write about it. Gotta thank Lana Del Rey for her new album. Ooh baby, ooh baby, I'm in love. And also, this couch. The fan. Gosh it would’ve been hot otherwise. 

…

Just read whatever I wrote, and there’s just one thought in my head. 

I am such a lazy fuck.

So sure everyone feels this way. Too lazy. But with such workable dreams.

If I don’t really get off this couch any soon, I’d be hired someday to full-fill someone else’s dreams, instead of working to make my own dreams a reality. 

Move ya lazy arse ya lazy bitttch.

I really, really feel like coding.

But first, should sharpen my rubik's cube solving skills.

Almost. After a while. Please.

*proceeds to make another cup of a happy cold coffee.*

Gotta love the summer holidays. ☼

….

….

Beach ke beach main.

Oh 'ello, Mr. Beach!

We meet again.

The sand seems extra golden this evening. 

The waters, extra blue.

The wind is all sublime, and the skies, just so clear and happy.

Clear, and happy, like the mind-space, before it begins to jot down the thoughts onto itself, 

forming an intricate, complicated detail of layer upon layer, of organised and disorganised 

thoughts. 

Random or 

otherwise.

Dear Mr. Beach!

It's so crowded, out here. 

But the claustrophobia is least of my concerns. 

The horizon, which stretches up until infinity and beyond, 

helps.

People seem happy. 

And I simply adore that couple playing with their young child, attempting to make him laugh. Or that man, who quietly stares at the people around him, like me. Or the little child who runs along with a stray dog. Playing. 

Laughing. 

Look at those two beautiful women jogging near the waves. 

They seem to be sharing a gossip that amuses them both. 

I like people, 

sometimes.

I'm hungry. Mr. Beach. 

All this walking has made me tired. 

I think I deserve something, tasty. Something spicy, sour. 

Yum.

PANI PURI!

Mr. Beach, I am so grateful. 

I think I'd like to stay here forever.

At least. 

In my city. 

For I'd never run out of pain puri.

It's getting dark, now. 

I think I should head back home.

Nevertheless, Mr. Beach, 

I think I'll be visiting you more often.