A better person.

I have never really blamed people around me much in my life, but in the recent months, I have. I could easily find negatives in someones behavior, and the positives were difficult to find. I think I had lost myself somewhere, when I started believing that.

I've been an anti social bee since a couple of months, ever since my birthday, I suppose, when almost no one showed up. But it was all in my head. I pushed important people away on my birthday itself, I shouldn't blame anyone for anything. Things were worse after my dog died, I had started blaming everyone close to me, and soon, myself. Quite depressing if this goes on for months.

Half the year is over, and I've finally started meeting up with my close friends, in a balanced manner, not wanting to run away. I've realized how they've been there for me, how I've been there for them, how people do go out of they way to help the ones they care about, and I see this in love, family, friends, everywhere.

I had cocooned myself up in layers of doubts and depression, but now, the shell is slowly peeling off. It is not because of those who are helping me, but because of me, who's finally agreeing to accept help.

If you really listen closely, to what others have to say, you'd realize that there's just more to learn from everything. There are so many perspectives to everything! It's quite beautiful.

I've remembered a few things that I had almost forgotten about. The fact that me, as a person, was always emphathetic, and never judgmental. Empathy is difficult, but I need to hold onto it as a gift, no matter how hard it gets. It's difficult when you're brushed up with so many emotions of others, when you absorb it all in, to understand them better, but I think I can do a better job by meditating and trying to remain unattached.

You know, how people say that we're the best when we are kids, and adulthood spoils us up, and we waste our lives away only to realize our mistakes when we are old? I don't want to go through that path. I'd like to always remember the fact that our life is a gift, and there's just so much more to discover!

I know of many adults who think they know the world. But no one does. Not me as a kid. Not as an adult. Not when I'm old. There's just so much to learn. I'm never forcing my views on anyone. Certain realizations have dawned upon me, and I've finally understood myself better, and I do believe that's the first step to understanding the world.

I've been told that I'm too confused to do me any good. But I know, that I do too, have things I'm confident about. If I need to be confident as an adult, I'll be confident in my belief that no one knows everything (all hail Socrates). That learning is the much needed curve, in life. I'll be confident enough to know, that good and bad, both do exist, it's about time, perspectives, a million life stories that go behind what makes a person; and all of this, is no small thing.

In a chaotic mess, we each pull others down, or push them forward, unbalanced; this happens, and I guess, it is needed for change. Let's not forget who we are, let's not stop dreaming, the best, the better, is always, yet to come, and I believe it now, because I think I am a better person than I was yesterday.