Thoughts.

Thoughts like water,  fall easily.

Slow, the drops, unaware, but at bliss.

There is nothing to guide, and lost are they,

the thoughts that seek, a home to return.

Questions follow the answers met.

Hopeful, but futile. An unending journey.

The kaleidoscopic world, a labyrinth.

Thoughts pulled closer, sinking in,

even as they try to break away.

To reach out, I reach within.

If words are the assets of a free mind, why is it that we often find ourselves trapped within the boundaries they offer? In an earlier post, I had spoken about how much one should appreciate silence, and agreed, nothing would probably describe anything better than complete silence, and a quiet moment of understanding. Yet, this silence, seems too difficult to adjust to. The basic desire of a human is to communicate. To listen, hear, speak, and share. But do we really need to define everything?

Imagine a house on a far away land. A place that touches the skies, reaching out to the clouds. Lush green grass all around. A cool, gentle breeze surrounding the tiny cottage, with the hum of a local brook meandering nearby.

I'm not very good with imagery. My literature isn't as great as many people whom I know of. But my views, they are precious to me. The only support that I could hold onto if everything else seems to haze away. This is why I fear criticism. If I am capable of adjusting with any sort of a view that might come across me, I really hope, that people accept, even if they don't agree - to whatever I believe in.

I just long for my imaginations to become a reality. If only one could share the marvels that one thinks of, with others, in the exact same way they seem to reach into the empty voids of ones mind, filling them up with colours the the true eye could never visualise.

Back to the cottage. That place would be perfect. A moment  frozen in time, for eternity. I didn't choose a beach, an island, or another fancy place. This little cottage, atop a silent hill, some how captured my mind.

Now imagine yourself living in such a place. Alone. Not a single person with whom you could share your words, or your silence. Somehow, this forces me to believe that, the one thing, more important, than even sharing your views, is the mere company of another living being. 

But I savour solitude. The sly single digit upon that clock mocks me. It's way past midnight, and I have only solitude as my company right now. I cherish it. It's one of those few things I appreciate in life. Some time reserved for me and me only. Where I can lock myself away from the world and pen down my feelings unafraid of any sort of criticism.

The words trapped in me, often scream. Perhaps everyone feels so. I don't run away from my own thoughts though. I see to it, that they meet what they seek. But I wonder, if the only way to do so, is by surrounding myself with the people I care about. Words fail when ideals differ. Silence fails when the understanding is low. Perhaps laughter, happiness, or even sadness, binds us all. 

There is no place for masks. But they inevitably reach out, covering my face when I'm afraid to hurt anybody, or to show someone that I've been hurt. As long as it doesn't harm anyone though, they should be fine. Perhaps giving, without hoping to get anything in return is the only way by which one can live in the world outside. 

That world outside, it doesn't make sense to me. Broken people, breaking others, and them breaking others, and so forth. I remember the time I was plainly shocked by an act of a close friend. A sinful act, for that time I was a child. "Why would anyone want to be the bad guy?" I remember, asking another friend. 

With time, I learned that both the bad, and the good were... Almost the same. The one's screaming about the goodness, made the bad visible. All this, was just, a game of words. Word play, as one might call it.

That cottage on that hill? It's still there. It's quiet and, one could get all the solitude he or she ever desired while living there. Even though an optimist, the reality of this world saddens me. I may appreciate the good - the bad - both, as equal necessities required for this world to flow forward, but nevertheless, the sight of any helpless person discourages me. 

Illness. Old age. Death. Misundestandings. Fights. Hunger. Disease. Does this world really need them? It doesn't. And me, I'm heartless. Looking at it all as if it were all science. Trying not to concern myself. Trying to understand relations as if they were some sort of a mathematical equation. I think far too much to do me any good. But as I fear, I think far too much, for me to be able to do any good to this world.

I'm tired of trying to figuring things out - for now. Thoughts not acted upon are meaningless. Aren't they? If lost, never to be found again.

I don't want to support the good, or the bad, or anything for that matter. I just want people to realise, that they are alive. They have a heart, heartbeats, and for as long as they can breath, nothing can really harm them. 

Oh how I wish to tell them all about how easy this life really is. But explaining it is such a task! Pretty sure most don't even want me to hear me out. And no, I would't want to be a burden. Who would want to be one? My words fail. My silence fails. And I seek solitude again. A place somewhere, in my mind, on that cottage, with the cool breeze that would speak to me, understanding me completely. Perfectly. And I shall write, finally, allowing my views to take control, and not fear.

My best friend forever. Even if he isn't aware of it.

Write, and erase.

I begin to write, when I don't know what to write.

I
I write
I write to
I write to think
I write to think and
I write to think and question
I write to think and question what
I write to think and question what I
I write to think and question what I could
I write to think and question what I could write
I write to think and question what I could write.
And this leaves me confused, and I erase.
And this leaves me confused, and I
And this leaves me confused, and
And this leaves me confused,
And this leaves me confused
And this leaves me
And this leaves
And this
And

And then I erase the written, erasing my confusion.

Let's go to the mall - Today!

I'm at a mall! Malls make me happy!

Take this food court, for example, The grandparents gladly chatting with their grand-daughter while she munches on the McD burger, that occasional young couple - obviously on a date, a small family with quarrelling siblings, a tired business man staring into his laptop with dire eyes, the small kid tugging onto his mothers hand while crying tears of frustration, a stout man devouring the extra large sandwich with complete dedication. All these people, they make me so glad! This is why sometimes, I absolutely adore crowded places. People are so different, yet so similar at the same time. Blame the ambience or the music, malls make me feel like as if I were a part of a slow movie. A slice of life!

Everyone is dissolved in their own tiny, yet infinite worlds. I wonder if anyone inside this enormous building is thinking along the same lines as me!

Malls are just one of those mediums, using which the nuclear families can move out of their urban households, and take a break from the hectic life. The feeling will not amount to the fun one might have in natural surroundings, but it feels good to realise that people would still like to take time out of their busy lives to do spend time with the ones they love, or doing things that they love to do!

Also, if you're living in the city for more than 17 years, the fact that you might bump into an old friend in a mall, during weekend, is as probable as not being able to find an empty seat in the food court during rush hours. Almost certain. And yes. I did meet an old friend! Came across a not - so - familiar senior student at my college too; but I chose awkward ignorance over awkward smiles. Silly me. Should have greeted him with a huge pat on his back... But then, he probably didn't know me. (Ignooooooore.)

The other best part, well, one of my favourite part in a mall, is the book store. I learned far more about the world sitting in that small comfy corner than I usually do while sitting in front of the laptop all day long. Fact: Toy Story saved Steve Jobs's career. Like whaaaa? Fascinating, isn't it? It's just one of the few things I learned today.

The concept of a mall is bloody brilliant. The days when they were considered to only be a shopping hub are far gone! The mall is now a place filled with grandparents, smart teens, crying infants, and workaholics - all seeking a days break, relaxing, learning, shopping... Or yawning. (Hello there, Mr. tired janitor!)

It's no secret. For those who embrace crazy, mall's are the perfect new playgrounds.

• Walk backwards on an escalator. (You're a failure in life if you haven't tried this one yet!)
• Wink at that clueless child in a non pedophile, yet cute way.
• If... (Or if not) you're a girl: Bat your eyelashes and pretend to be Julia Roberts while looking at that oh so hot - yet unattainable - guy with model like features.
• Talk to a salesman and share his grief regarding the thick headed customers.
• Skid and slip on the marble floors!
• Use the hand dryer in the washroom to blow dry your hair. (Works perfectly.) Try it next when the room is crowded. A sure shot way to make people giggle. (While smoothening your hair at the same time!)

I left the mall with a heavy heart. I guess I'll be coming here again, soon.

While leaving the premises, make sure you turn back and offer the building a genuine salute. The mall is the brand new urban temple after all! For all sections of the society to hop in and partaaaay all day long. ^_^